your chains will never fall until you do…
What a crazy few weeks it’s been!
It seems like all I’ve been doing is GO GO GOING everywhere all the time 24/7. I love this life though and I wouldn’t trade any of these moments for anything.
School is coming to a steady, yet slow end and in a lot of ways, in terms of teaching, I have no idea what I’m doing. I keep thinking that if a veteran music teacher walked into my room and observed me, they’d say “you’re doing that?!?!” “Why?” “What about this or that other thing?” Yet… there’s no one like that and even my principal trusts me beyond that. So it’s both crazy awesome and crazy scary that I’m doing this all on my own. My judgment, my call, my ideas, my hard work, no one else’s. So for now, I am doing the best I can with all I have. I’m trying to give over and beyond. In terms of my personal life/dating life/friendships being sort of stagnant right now, I’m devoting more time to the Lord and putting all my energy into my job. For me, I love it. It’s not intense or extremely overwhelming. It’s not frustrating or annoying. I love my job so much. I love where I’m at.
I spoke at an event for my alma mater this weekend to music education students coming through the program that I just graduated from. I spoke about interviewing, and getting certified, and hired, and my first few months of teaching. It put a lot of things in perspective for me. But I couldn’t help but be joyful talking about my life and what I do. I got through college and thought I’d worked harder than I ever had, and then I got my job. It’s like everything multiplied times a trillion bagillion-something and now instead of going 390257932750932 miles an hour, I’m going 390257932750933 miles an hour. (Yes, I re-typed all those numbers to make a point. You’re welcome.)
And here I am doing more planning, yet procrastinating but writing again.
There has been so very much on my heart lately. I’m dealing with a lot of past hurt that I’ve been storing up for days, months, and some years too! It’s been hard to finally look it in the face, but I’m going to be okay. I know that God’s called me to something and I’m doing that and I feel joy even when I’m sad or scared or afraid of circumstances in my life. Jesus kind of outdoes all those things and triumphs over them for me. And I can finally breathe again.
The chains are falling, but it sure did take a lot for me to realize I had the key.
"
Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. That’s my assumption that I bring to this evening. Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in away that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ.
Wimpy theology is plagued by woman-centeredness and man-centeredness. Wimpy theology doesn’t have the granite foundation of God’s sovereignty or the solid steel structure of a great God-centered purpose for all things.
" -John Piper (via meghanphelisa)
setting my heart on things above
There is no other profession, job, duty, chore, or anything else I do like planning where I come out of it more happy than when I started.
I’ve been dreading it all weekend, yet I feel so content and happy with what I’ve got planned for my kiddos this week! I know it won’t all work out, it won’t go according to plan as it never truly does. But the joy. My goodness, that joy.
A lot is going on now in terms of my feeling lonely and a tad bit sad and depressed at times. But the second I set my heart on things above, that’s when everything is different. It’s one thing to set your eyes, but to set your heart… now that’s a whole different thing. I feel like I’ve forced my heart to feel certain ways and it doesn’t work. So to finally set my heart on Christ means acknowledging my deep need for Him without force, without complaint, without walls, without barriers. It seems so much that I’ve been an open book toward everyone but God. When in reality, my thoughts should be guarded to all but Him.
Lots to think about. :)
